Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
