She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
