we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
