We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
