Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
