the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
