Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
