Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Too much gin, very little bucket
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
