doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
