just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we made out on top of his cat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
