He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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