I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
