Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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