wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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