I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
