Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
