Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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