Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
