I accidentally had phone sex last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
