I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
