let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
