Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
