Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
two words...techno handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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