she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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