i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
