it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just high enough for therapy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
