were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
