I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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