Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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