I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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