member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize