I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize