don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
