that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize