The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
