sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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