R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
