So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
