did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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