I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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