My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
