So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize