when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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