i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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