My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
