Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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