everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
