I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
