I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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