My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
