and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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