my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
