Moan for me like Helen Keller
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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