I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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