i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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