I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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