i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
