We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
