A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think weed is turning my hair brown
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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