Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
