Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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