I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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