I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
