Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want nice things and good sex
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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